The Interview | by Sabarish Kandregula | VIVA

The Interview | by Sabarish Kandregula | VIVA


Don’t you have your ‘New born baby’ pic? We didn’t have a camera back then… Okay Lets go into the interview Tell me about yourself Sure sir Myself shanmugham I am from vizag I have three bestfriends Ramesh…suresh…mukesh We three have a WhatsApp group sir Thunder buddies Thunder buddies eh? We daily go to beach road sir From there we travel to tenneti park What is your strength? My confidence Hmmm…good What is your weakness? Over-confidence Ya, I can see that Lets get into some technical discussions now Can you define an Array? Sure sir Array is used in daily communication in a language I didn’t get you, can you give an example? Sure sir Array is used generally to call a far person Arre suresh Sir… example Array is used as an emotion For example… Arre what is this re? Like that sir.. And array is used for singing sir Arre…re… Arre..re… ok..ok..stop Then definitely you must be knowing about “Orrey” also Ya, you want example? No..no…thank you Okay, lets keep all this aside… Can you speak in english for 1min without breaks? (Receiving signal) Eye to eye… Eye to eye… Sensual…sensation eyes… My eyes and your eyes… Beautiful eyes… You get out of my eyes… and everybody’s eyes Get out!!! I also have one question for you sir What? This is Superman… what is this? Batman… No…Superman Returns! Everyone doesn’t know everything… But we should accept them also Brother 1min… This is Apparao What is this? Half Apparao No… bend-Apparao Seen many like these… now leave Go Please Next Hmmm…Sandeep Is this your resume or some kind of pamphlet? My Resume only sir Your’s only! How Honest are you? You are doubting me sir? When my neighbors go out of station… They give their house keys to me sir… Okay, lets come to the point… Can you tell me about re-engineering? Every engineer knows the answer If someone fails in exam They will write supplies and pass Who fails supplies also They will study engineering once more That is called re-engineering Okay I am sure, you must be a re-engineer? Nooooo… I am re-re engineer Re-re engineer At least lets discuss some technical stuff now Can you tell about expressions I am very good at expressions sir… *Expression 1* *Expression 2* *Expression 3* *Expression 4* STOP Now, il give one expression, you repeat it… *Hypothetical expression* *Hypothetical expression – Repeat* What is this nonsense? Get out of my room… Sir, please sir… I need this job sir… This job is very important for me sir… please hire me… Sir please sir… but make sure it is an 8 lakh package At least 7 lakhs sir? For what? You will give expression every day at office? Experience 6 years? Oh… which company? Not company… companies… 26 companies Surprising 26 companies? Thats a big list In which platform? Job searching platform Job searching platform eh? Aaah… Now, lets get back to your hobbies You have a big list here… Cricket betting eh? Settlements Chain snatching Spreading rumors ah? Spreading rumors is your hobby? Ya, before coming inside… I have spread rumors about you as well But why? It gives me some satisfaction Are you satisfied now? After thoroughly scanning your resume… I have found only 3 related topics to me… C, C++ and Java So lets go to some technical stuff Can you tell me something about “OOPS”? OOPS… If someone faces a situation they shouldn’t or in other bad situations They yell…OOPS… OOPS Exactly… this is called as OOPS Leave all this ma… I’ll ask you a multiple choice question Which will be an easy option What is ALU? Option A Arithmetic Logic Unit Array Logic Unit See sir, we can use Array in this also First you get our re… Applicable Logic Unit Option D, none of the above There is no answer at all You mean, option D – None of the above? No, not even that There should be some answer right? 50-50? Phone a friend? Then lets keep an audience poll, answer will come out… How did you come up? Took the stairs sir Did you count them? Hey… I know you will ask these tricky questions I counted all of them… its 150 Good, count the same steps and go home Get out I dont know, from where and why you people come Next He is coming What is C? I dont know What is C++? I think, I forgot… What is Java? I won’t tell brother I won’t tell it brother Who the hell are you? I am an employee at this office Why did you come to the interview then? for timepass Who is that idiot who gave you the job You only, brother Thank you brother Why should we hire you? Good questions sir… next question? Okay, definitely… What is a database? Super question sir… next question? What is an integer? Outstanding question sir… next question? I know how my questions are, now come to the point What is a foreign key? Foreign key is nothing but… maijfpcn%$(9wksdfosi37s….foreign key sir What is a primary key? Primary key is nothing but…. Koshfijsfjndj93u8yy&%*&oihkejhf8…. Primary key sir Do you have any questions for me? Wifi-password sir? Wifi-password… It is kersaswersdjf732y4uykjs## Okay..ok… I understood. Go… From which planet are you all coming from? Tell all the people who came in today to come once… Who are you all? We are all from the same batch sir Which college do you all belong to? Free-chaitanya – Parayana Engineering college No worries… I understood completely… Go… leave immediately GET OUT!!!

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