Key & Peele – Auction Block

– ALL RIGHT, Y’ALL GATHER ROUND. GATHER ROUND. WELCOME, GENTLEMEN. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL AND BLESSED DAY FOR AN AUCTION. ALL RIGHT, Y’ALL, GET ON UP THERE. – PUT THAT WHIP DOWN AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS, THOUGH. – STRAIGHT UP. I DON’T CARE WHAT PLANTATION I END UP ON. I’M STRAIGHT STAGING A REVOLT IN THIS […]

Key & Peele – Pawn Shop

[rapid knocking on door] [buzzer] – HEY, MAN. HOW YOU DOING? YOU GUYS GOT BOW AND ARROWS? – YEAH. – OH, YEAH. OH, THAT’S IT. YEAH, THERE IT IS. THERE. THAT’LL DO IT. THAT’S GONNA DO IT. YUP. WHERE ARE THE ARROWS AT? [clears throat] YEAH. YOU GOT–YOU GUYS GOT M80s? – WE DON’T CARRY […]

Key & Peele – Pre-Game Pump-Up

[all chanting] Hey, hey, hey, y’all, wait up, hold on. Hold on. Listen up. Listen up. – Yeah. – Come on, man. Y’all ready for this? (all) Yeah! That’s right, y’all. ‘Cause you know what? We only get one chance. [all cheering] Let’s leave it all on the field today. [all cheering] No doubt. We […]

Key & Peele – Proud Thug

– OKAY, LET’S GET THIS THING GOING. EVERYBODY TAKE A SEAT. WE GOT TO HAVE MORE MEETINGS, HOMES, ‘CAUSE I’M TELLING YOU, MAN, WE GOT TO GET ORGANIZED. [sighs] [police sirens in the distance] CARLITO AIN’T GOT A SEAT, MAN. SOMEONE GET HIM A CHAIR. – NO, I’M COOL. – NO, DUDE, GET HIM A […]

Ultimate Fighting Goes to the Next Level – Key & Peele

Hey, as far as I’m concerned, this Saturday night there’s not even going to be a fight. I’m going to mercy kill this old man. Derek is very good person, but soon he will learn manners. I will torture his body so that he so learns to be humble. I’m going to dance around him […]

Iliza Shlesinger’s Lip Liner Emergency | Netflix Is A Joke

– We walk into this bar and one of the difficult parts about being a woman, besides everything, (audience laughs) is that, it’s really hard. Is that you’re constantly battling with yourself. In the long run, we’re battling our weight, hair color, wrinkles. Minute to minute, it’s just an adjustment of your hair and your […]

Inside Amy Schumer – Last F**kable Day – Uncensored

♪ There she goes like a shooting star ♪♪ She got fireworks in her heart ♪♪ Lighting up this world… ♪(women laughing) (woman) You guys. You never slept with him. You don’t know what you’re missing. (woman 2) No way! It’s crazy. Hi. Are you lost? Um, I’m sorry. I just– I love all of […]

Donald Trump’s Disastrous Hurricane Dorian Response | The Daily Show

The Bahamas has just been hit with one of the worst hurricanes ever recorded. And with it being reported that 13,000 homes may have been destroyed, this island nation is gonna need as much help as they can get. So please donate if you can. Everybody’s gonna need it. And, you know, whenever I see […]

Boarding Order – Key & Peele

– Good morning ladies and gentlemen, we are about to begin boarding South Northern Airlines, flight 34 to Grand Rapids. – Okay, excuse me, boarding group one. I’m gonna board in group one, excuse me, I’m in boarding group one. – And we would like to begin pre-boarding with our first class passengers. First class […]

John Mulaney: New in Town – Ice-T on “SVU” & Old Murder Investigations

IT’S WRONG TO MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE, YOU KNOW, BUT IT’S SO FUN SOMETIMES. I’VE WRITTEN FOR SOME TV SHOWS, AND, YOU KNOW, ON A MAJOR TV SHOW, YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT PEOPLE ‘CAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE GET OFFENDED, OR SO IT HAS BEEN EXPLAINED TO ME. I […]