Chris Tucker Got Bad Tax Advice | Netflix Is A Joke

Chris Tucker Got Bad Tax Advice | Netflix Is A Joke


(audience clapping) – I haven’t been married I’m scared to get married, I’m scared. I just made some money I ain’t trying to lose
this shit right away. (audience laughing) Marriage sometimes ain’t
a good business deal, ooh. (audience laughing) I’m looking though, I’m looking though, but you know, I need a woman
who gonna help me though. I don’t care nothin about fine. You gotta be more than fine, you’ve got to be able to–
(audience cheering) that’s right. You gotta do some other stuff. You gotta be able to
fill out a 1099 and shit. (crowd laughing) That’s right. You need to help me out
with my taxes this year. You gotta have an accounting
degree to be with me. Take care of your business, man. Don’t listen to people. Do your own business. Be careful who you listen to ’cause that’s the last
time I let Wesley Snipes help me out with my taxes. (crowd laughing) Almost got both our ass locked up, man. (crowd laughing) Gonna kick Wesley’s ass. I wanted to Passenger 57 his ass. Nino Brown’s. (crowd laughing) He told me and Ron Hauser the same thing, Ron Hauser was pissed off. I talked to him last night. Ron’s still mad about it. He said, ♪Imma kick Wesley’s ass. ♪ (crowd laughing) ♪ La la la la la ♪ I said, “Ron, let it go, let it go!” “Put the cane down, put
the cane down, Ron.” “You don’t wanna do this.” Wesley gonna tell us that mess. We was out one night in Hollywood. He gonna tell me we don’t
have to pay taxes, man. We ain’t gotta pay no God damn taxes, man. (inhaling smoke) I said, “Wesley, what the
hell you talkin’ bout?” I’m Blade. Blade don’t
pay no God damn taxes. (crowd laughing) You pay taxes huh? (laughs) G-money you ain’t gotta pay no taxes. I ain’t G-money, I’m Chris. What the hell is you talking about? This ain’t New Jack’s City.
Wesley, stop smoking that stuff. (crowd laughing) The good thing about owing the IRS though, everybody else gotta wait. Bill collectors try to threaten you. They can’t even threaten
you in this economy. Talking about if you
don’t pay the house note, we gonna come get it. I said, “Well, shit, come get
it. It upside down anyway. Come on get it.” (crowd laughing) Don’t you wanna talk about it? No you said you’re coming get
it now come get this shit! (crowd laughing) Well let’s talk about it, mister. No, no, I don’t wanna talk about nothin’. I don’t want that house no more anyway. I don’t go down there anyway. (crowd laughs) People, you know… People
will say, “Save your money. You know? You’re young,
you don’t wanna hit it.” They said, “Save your
money for a rainy day.” I said, “Shit its raining today. I’m about to go get me a Ferrari and shit. (crowd laughing) I’m about to go have some fun!” I was doing crazy stuff, ya’ll. I was doing crazy stuff. I bought two houses right
next door to each other. Just crazy shit. (crowd laughs) I was my own next door
neighbor. It was crazy as hell. (crowd laughs) I was borrowing stuff
from myself and shit. You got some sugar we can borrow? You know I got some sugar we can borrow. What you talkin’ about? You me and I’m you, man. Go on up there and get it. I mean you ain’t gonna
talk to me like that, damn. (crowd laughing) I ain’t wanna be rude, I
was gonna ask you, damn. (crowd laughing) Gonna act like that, as long
as I’ve been knowing you. (crowd laughing) Crazy, man. I’m cutting back though now. I’m saving my money. I’m smart. Getting smart with my money. I ain’t doing that buying
all these houses no more. (crowd cheers) Smart. Me, Tony Braxton and Jermaine Dupri getting an apartment together. (crowd laughs) And Terro is moving in too with us. And bill collectors get on my nerve, too. They get on your nerve. They call you. Oh, they call you just messing with you,
just no reasons, just… I don’t care though. I tell them. I tell them. I say look. People owe me, too. Shit. (crowd laughing) I’m serious. I say, “Call
Terry. He owe me 20 dollars. Put that down on the bill.” We don’t know who no
Terry is or where he is. I said, “I don’t know
where his ass at neither. Let’s find his ass.” (crowd laughing) “Can’t you see he’s the problem, shit? We up here fussing he’s running free with our money.” (crowd laughing) You gotta look at who’s the problem here. Bill collectors make me sick always goin’, “We need the money.” They act like you owe
them the money personally “We need the money.” I said, “Look, I don’t
owe you a God damn thing.” (crowd laughing) (funky music)

100 thoughts on “Chris Tucker Got Bad Tax Advice | Netflix Is A Joke

Leave a Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *